Sunday, June 30, 2013
I wrestle. Oh how I wrestle. I post links that speak to my heart, or make me laugh or even that that make me think. I post the things that bring joy to my heart, but still i wrestle. I listen to the songs that are posted, some I like, some, not so much. I read the verses posted and think. But, still, I wrestle. I wrestle long. I wrestle hard. I wrestle and the match, well, I all but give up. I won't win that one. Wait... what's that? Oh, It's you. Oh Glorious, Wondrous, You. You're here? Really? Here? With me? Why, I'm just a woman humbled before you. Oh, the questions My King, My Lord, My One. I can't imagine that I have anything to offer you. I wrestle that I might be like the Pharisees and just show my faith to get in your good graces. I wrestle. I sing. I sing because the mood strikes. I just have to. But, I wrestle, even though it's because I want to, will you feel my joy? I wrestle. I sing and think, these members don't know me, I miss a Sunday, and, another, but I sing. I sing to you. I sing. And, I wrestle. Is it enough? Oh, I wrestle.I sin. I drink. I wrestle. I wrestle with not being good enough, I wrestle with not knowing enough. I wrestle with guilt. I wrestle with being hypocritical. I wrestle. And then, I pray. I pray. For forgiveness, I pray. For understanding, I pray. For help, I pray. For love, I pray. And I pray, help me. For in the morning, for one brief moment when the world is the way you made it, I will feel peace and love and will not have to fight my self or wrestle with the doubts clouding my soul. I love you. I will wrestle and I will take comfort in you and I will wrestle and I will know that you have shown me that my faith is strong.